NOIJO

Can't wait. Been getting back into the game recently.

This is rather cool...

Well a week later and I still think what the... aspirational target?!
If someone says I should do something I'll say, "It was a aspirational target".

It is essentially meaningless, nothing in it is productive. Calls for more ways to reach targets without proposing a target or proposing ways to reach it.

Even though I'm not depressed anymore I find myself in the repercussion of it, trying to find a way out, reorganizing my life and its direction.
In the past I have had to deal with my underlying depression myself as there is never someone I wish to burden. So I tend to drift away from those around me often. I know running away from my troubles is not the best way to deal with things but it works well for me.

I changed degree at my university after my second year, I took advantage of a oversight in the system and started doing it during my second year. It was something I was meant to do at the beginning but a poor decision led me to go down the wrong way. Yet this mistake made me realise what I wanted to do.
This was the happiest time of my uni life, had friends to share my time with, applied for the degree change. It was all working out perfectly for my next (third) year. Then things around me began to collapse... betrayed by a whole group of friends over a girl. Then betrayed by that girl and the remaining friends I had, only months later. Left to pick up the pieces the wind then blew them in my face.
My application was approved for the degree change preceding my third year. No one was there for me to be happy with, what I once hoped to achieve went by insignificant. I tried to keep myself going by continuing and initially things went well, but as days passed memories were still etched in the walls. Each day they would still be read and each day became less days.
I changed campus and studied a unit in another degree but my attempt to do even a single unit of old failed to the point all were failed.

Another uni or college would mean I would have to start again and I would've wasted the last 6 years since high school. I can't go back now. I can't.
I need to look forward and close that chapter, stop looking back. It still hurts... and it will always hurt yet all I can do is live with it and accept that. I have already chosen and seen death, life is more painful.

No one should go though what I went through. I am not cruel enough to wish that upon you.

As I look towards the sky, rain begins
running down my face, lost within the haste,
It's time to say goodbye.

A map of the world, I can't find
where I... exist now. I lack faith in this world...

I am used, unappreciated and punished for nothing within reason
HATE prejudgment and disrespect where none has been forthcoming to them
PEOPLE can goto hell to expect me to still show them my respect in return.

Those who don't treat people how they themselves want to be treated are hypocrites to the 10th degree.

WHY HAS IT
BEEN LIKE THIS
THROUGHOUT MY TIME
Is it because I'm the quite one, you think that I don't care or I won't react. I'll show you otherwise...

IF YOU CAN'T
SEE BEYOND
YOURSELF
You are was asking for, a awakening, that you've never seen before. You will find why to FEAR IT...

My god the most RANDOM thing happened tonight/this morning. After work was at Penrith Macca's 3am it was the usual, chating, eating, cleaners doing there thing...
A bald Caucasian guy in a sky blue top walks in and begins to throw a few punches and even puts in a knee to the cleaner (middle eastern) emptying the rubbish bin near the entrance. My seat was facing towards it so I know It was totally unprovoked while the cleaner was just doing his job. The scuffle only lasted 5 seconds till the attacker walked out and pissed off. The cleaner didn't have the chance to retaliate likely from the pure surprise and randomness of it all. The rest of us in that time only had the chance to realise what was going on. I only managed to slide across the seat towards the isle. As the attacker left and walked past the window I eye contacted the guy brefiely then glanced his shirt which had something odd words printed on it, which I didn't manage to pick up as he past behind the wall.

Backtracking in my mind, he wasn't the only one there as earlier another bald or shaved Caucasian in a brown top sat on the windowsill for at least 5 mins before and never came in. I made eye contact with that guy too in a moment he looked inside towards us. Thinking about it after the fact, it seemed as if they were checking the place out, waiting for a suitable target. This second guy being a witness for the other.

The first thought that popped into my mind was the film Romper Stomper. The white supremest type of guys in that film. They match the look 100% and the style of attack matches the behaviour.

Things like this just shows how f**ked up people are. So if anyone ever wondered why I hate Penrith so much this is one of the reasons. The area is so Caucasian filled with whores, sluts and OC wanna be's. Guys with their 'done-up' ute's, Holden's, Ford's, all provided by their parents and through none of their own effort. Retards.

Just got back from work, I'm so so tired.

A can of drink is 375ml a box has 36 of them that is 13.5 litres. A pallet has 60 boxes which is 810 litres (CocaCola is 900 litres, 24 a box, 100 boxes). I pull it about 100m and I do it for about 5-10 pallets. While also taking each box off the pallet one or two at a time. The weight itself is somewhere under a tonne, my estimate would be 800kg a pallet.

During one of my late nights last week, this popped into my head and I had to draw it out.

Meanwhile back at the batcave *sfx* I pre-ordered the Pangya Erika figure just listed on HLJ I presume it's Hana under the Albatross18 name changes since there is no picture yet. I need or well want cookies (premium game currency) too so I can get diving goggles for Kooh and some other small items. Early tonight I also made my first Toma Hole in One (WizWiz hole 4) and then again a few games later (NorthWiz hole 9), a good night for me. (^_^)
Also the case for my new phone I mentioned last post arrived along with the matching one for a future DS lite. *molests*
( Case Pic + Hole In One )

Whoa... man... the door behind me is doing crazy exorcist shite. When I look at it from this seat it looks like it is constantly opening yet isn't. Like it is swaying open in the wind but weirdly it doesn't sway close. From other angles and up close it's definitely stationary.
This is freaking me out... I'm going to go to bread.

Many days have passed since my last post. It's been a very weird week for me with my sleep all over the place. I decided I needed to have a defence attorney represent me...

Friday, 4th August: Witness Testimony
Decided to go out that afternoon to meet up with onizuneko at work, look at the recent Sony Ericsson K800i mobile and then proceed to hang out later that night.
PRESS
Rather then just looking at the phone I ended up walking out with it, a rather random purchase helped with the fact it has a 3.2MP Cybershot camera. Phone added to court record // See below. So now I have a 3G phone on the 3 network, still with the same number as I've always had. I also ordered a made to order case for it, made out of the same material used in a kimono obi. Also ordered one to fit a Nintendo DS Lite so it matches (for when I do get a Lite). Hopefully it should arrive in the next few days. So that was about it that day.
TAKE THAT: Beret
What's this? Oh, yes the beret. Well after meeting onizuneko we proceeded to pick up tux_masaki and then drop by mayuki_miyazawa's place to return the beret that was left behind. After that we had Sri Lanken for dinner and that's about it really.

Saturday, 5th August: Witness Testimony
Went to kawaii_no_miko's birthday after dinner activities. Wasn't able to make dinner due to money and time. onizuneko and I meet up with everyone at the French Riviera ice cream parlor, then we went to Karaoke for 2 hours and ended up finishing at about 2.30am. Photo's added to court record // Download

Wednesday, 9th August: Autopsy Report
Victim died by lack of sleep at around 3-3.5hrs. Went to university that day for Japanese 102 spread over 7 hours imediatly followed by work adding another 7 hours of physical essersion to an already tiresome day. Victim mostly slept the next few days.

Saturday, 12th August: Sequence of Events
15.00 Woke to find them self in a empty house.
16.05 Played Albatross18 for a bit with new Cat Ears for Kooh.
17.00 Phone calls received and plans of timing are made for onizuneko's birthday dinner.
17.20 Preparations are made for departure.
17.35 Depature commenced by vehicle as driver.
18.10 Arrival at onizuneko's house to also meet with t8_steve, mayuki_miyazawa, cooked_sashimi, ruri_strife, tux_masaki.
19.00 Dinner at Kenny's Fusion Restaurant.
21.15 EasyWay is had by some. Followed by the first casualty's of the night.
22.00 Remainder head to The Epping Pub for drinks to be joined by slykura.
25.00 Night comes to a end.
Surveillance photos added to court record // Download

Turnabout Week, End of Chapter One.

Not sleeping till 6-7am can't be a good thing. Luckily I don't need to get up early so I don't lose as much sleep as I could be. The downside, I end up missing most of the day to go out and do stuff since this is not a 24hr city. By the time I am awake enough to go anywhere shops and stores are closing... So there is no time for idle browsing.

Working night shift for two years now has severely changed my body clock and it becomes so very apparent when I don't have work like all of this week (not to mention I'll have no money next week). Even with no work I end up finally getting to sleep at 7am. I don't have any real idea of how I should go about fixing it. Maybe I should take a page of mayuki_miyazawa's sleeping problems and get me some sleeping pills...See if that works. Though since I won't have any money next week I guess that isn't much of a option either. Sigh.

If I don't get a least three shift next from work I guess I'm gonna have to look elsewhere for work. As I may just continue losing shifts which is quite depressing. Every night they only call up with one hour notice and I've always been available for them. Which means I also lose any social life since I can't plan anything each night. So if I'm getting shafted for new people that have just started it really is unfair. Especially when they say reliability to work means you will get shift preference. It's also very annoying when they complain when I refuse a weekend shift the night before when I'm the one that normally does it when they ask. Maybe I should just quit this year instead of after Christmas like I have been planning.

If they call me today I should just refuse out of principal of not getting a shift this week unlike my normal 3-4 nights. Irony is because of no work I need to work, to get paid. Guess it'll come down to what mood I'm in when they call if they do. Maybe I should just go out without my mobile so they can't contact me. I still have mayuki_miyazawa's beret so maybe I should use this time to go and return it.

Well I woke up today, meaning yesterday and for no real reason decided to actually take my first look at this semesters uni timetable since it started two days ago. Low and behold Japanese 102 is in a hour, so I took a shower and left for Parramatta campus.

As I write this I'm still not enrolled in the unit. (^_^;) It'll be the first thing I do today. Yes I can be very dodgy.

Anyway, I had no idea where the room was, so once on campus I walked in looked at the new building that I didn't even know was open yet and thought 'nah it couldn't be' as I walked up it was the correct building. It still smells of fresh paint. (-_-) I'm lucky it didn't make me light headed as some paint does. So jp102 this semester has changed from jp101, no longer is there multiple class groups, everyone is in one large class. First person I see is t8_steve but that sight is quickly alleviated by the nice looking Koreans sitting in front of me tehehe. It's such a pity t8_steve is now taken, guess I'll just have to make up for him. Where was I? This class seems a lot more talkative then last semester. (^_^) So I'm very interested to see how things go. The change away from normality I find is a good thing. Since I'm in a good mood to start off my mental Eight Ball says "all signs point to yes", things look up for the rest of the year.

In fact I think I will do a design unit this semester as well. Study, study!

Tekkaman Blade; Space Knight (1992-1993), 49 Episodes

宇宙の騎士テッカマンブレード

2300 AD... The Orbital Ring System around Earth is our gateway to space, mankind's greatest achievement and also the stage for mans downfall. Captured by an alien species called the 'Radam', Earth is surrounded and rendered defenseless from their attacks. The ORS, ascended by space elevators, rendered the need for atmospheric capable spaceships useless and hence man had no way to attack the Radam occupied ORS. With the attack from the Radam launched from space, cities have become desolate and turned in Radam fields where they take root and grow. With the outlook of humanity grim a lone warrior with no memory crashes to Earth, a savior know as Tekkaman Blade.

For its age it is still relatively good. So nostalgic even without watching it in English (known as Teknoman) back in the day ('95) before going to school. I'm nearly done... about 10 episodes left to go, that is if I get a seed for the last 10% of the torrent. Then onto Tekkaman Blade II. (^_^)

I wonder...
where have you gone,
maybe across the sea or beyond.
As I sit here and write, soon it will be daylight.
For in this night I wait, considering my fate.

I think...
What am I doing at this ungodly hour,
withering away just like a flower.
If only I could dream, we'll be connected through a seam.
As I wait for that time to come, it seems all to easy for some.

I feel...
like everything is heading down,
yet I seal it all without a frown.
As it all catches up with me, my soul begins to pay the fee.
For as we are linked, both of us begin to sink.

I hope...
that I won't be affected fatally,
and hence someday return to some normality.
As of now it continues to peal, without thee it cannot heal.
To dream is what I hope, till then all I can do is cope.

I try...
to sleep now.

One day I will find my way, find what I'm looking for,
but that day can't come soon enough for me,
As time goes by impatience overcomes it all,
but I know it may never be...
Yet with it I would cherish all.

Who am I, What is it, that I don't seem to have to show to you,
everything is what it just might be...
Destiny can be so cruel to the kind of heart no matter what you do.
If only I could be held one more time.

What do I do to find all my hopes and dreams,
in a place that no longer feels like home.
Do I try and make do with the way things are now,
or should I move on to another day.
If only I could find it now.

今はこの場所に僕だけお残して